swfchan: Dick to the head.swf (info)

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As the executor of Mr. Maldune’s estate,
I have been empowered to read

Mr. Maldune’s last will and testament.

Well get on with it, the bars open soon.

*Sob* Oh poor dear Arthur, waaaaaah!

*Sob* Oh poor dear Arthur, waaaaaah!
Oh there there, Jenny.

*Crying*
Oh there there, Jenny.

God, how predictably boring…

I never worked for a kinder man.

If we are all seated, I shall
proceed with the reading.

I knew it.

Hehehehe.

I, Arthur Durham Maldune,
being of sound mind and body-

That’s a laugh, ha ha ha ha ha!

-do hereby divide my considerable
estate as follows.

To my overly emotional sister, Jenny…

AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *Sobs*

AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *Sobs*
Jenny, darling, he’s talking about us.

Oh.

Who grubbed with her husband, Hank.
Grubbed for everything they could get

from me, and then cried crocodile
tears when I needed sympathy.

What...?

To Jenny, I leave…

a boot to the head.

A what?!

*THUMP*

*THUMP*
Ow!

Ow!

Jenny, are you okay?!

And another boot to her
wimpy husband, Hank.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

This is an outrage!

Ah... but still, you are my sister.
You have both admired my Rolls Royce

and since I no longer need it…

Oh dear Arthur, he’s too kind!

Oh dear Arthur, he’s too kind!
He is...

I bequeath another boot to the head.

What?!

Ha ha ha ha!

And one more for the wimp.

Next, to my alcoholic brother…

Hey, I don’t want no boot to the head!

To dear Hedge, who has never
worked a day in his drunken life…

I’m coverin’ up my head!

I leave my wine cellar and
three crates of my finest whiskey.

...Really?

And a boot to the head.

*THUMP*
Oh!

And another for Jenny and the wimp!

*THUMP*
Aah!

*THUMP*
Oooh!

Next, to my know-it-all
nephew, Ralston…

This is so predictable.

I leave a boot to the head.

*THUMP*
Uuuh. I knew it...

And one for Jenny and the wimp.

*THUMP*
Aaah!

Aaah!

Oooh!

This takes care of family obligations.

And now to Ms. Malroy…

Oh-huh, I don’t want nothin’… uheh.

Who took care of me faithfully
these many, many years…

Who cared, made me laugh,
brought me tea…

Oh I didn’t mind…

To Ms. Malroy, I bequeath…

a boot to the head.

*THUMP*
Uuuh!

And one for Jenny and the wimp!

And so to my cat, Mittens,
I leave my entire vast…

boot to the head!

*Meeeooooooooorrreeeeaarrr!!!*

And finally to my lawyer,
who has helped on this will...

I leave not a boot to the head,
but a rabid Tasmanian devil…

*vicious growling and snarling*

...to be placed in his trouSERS!

eeUUUUH!!

OH!

HA HA HA HA!

AND! AND! AND I LEAVE MY ENTIRE
ESTATE OF TEN MILLION DOLLARS TO

THE PEOPLE OF CALGARY SO THEY CAN
AFFORD TO MOVE SOMEWHERE DECENT!

*Gasp*

*audience laughs and applauds*

I-Is that it...?

That's it?!

That’s disgraceful!

(Offstage, said by Hank: It’s terrible…)

There’s one last thing for everyone.

Cover your heads everybody!

I leave everyone a lifetime
supply of ice cream.

Ice cream?

Ice cream? That's all...?

That's all.

Well what flavor is it?

BOOT TO THE HEAD!

*NUMEROUS THUMPS*
Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ugh! Ah!

NIGGIN IT UP.

FUCKIN YEAH!

REPLAY

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Symbol 528 MovieClip	Uses:527	Used by:Timeline
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Symbol 533 Text	Uses:3	Used by:Timeline
Symbol 534 Graphic	Used by:535
Symbol 535 MovieClip	Uses:534	Used by:Timeline
Symbol 536 EditableText	Uses:9	Used by:537
Symbol 537 MovieClip	Uses:536	Used by:Timeline
Symbol 538 Text	Uses:3	Used by:541
Symbol 539 Text	Uses:3	Used by:541
Symbol 540 Graphic	Used by:541
Symbol 541 Button	Uses:538 539 35 540 16	Used by:Timeline
Streaming Sound 1	Used by:Timeline

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Timeline Frame 1

31 bytes "..$1$Zp$N0yZN72.zvxQjNtP2pLTV.."