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Thomas

Darwin

An
Otherwise Awesome
Production

Concept By
Asher Vollmer and Robert F. Page

The Adventures Of

Darwin: Thomas, these eggs are amazing.

Thomas: Oh, thanks, Darwin.

Thomas: I added basil this time.

Darwin: Y'know, I can actually taste it.

(Door Bell)

Thomas: Oh, sweet, our new roomate's here.

Shelby: Hey

Darwin: Hey.

Thomas: Hey.

Thomas: Come on In, Shelby.

Shelby: So... this is the place?

Darwin: Yes, as you know,

Darwin: you've been carefully chosen to be our new roomate.

Darwin: We decided that you are the cream of the crop.

Thomas: Unlike the other applicants,

Thomas: Like this guy, who we hate.

I've Wet Myself

Whitey: I LOVE DRAGON BALL Z!

Darwin: AND, as you know, you've passed through the three trials

Darwin: of Air, Fire, and Water.

Darwin: Go!

Thomas: But over all, the real reason you're here is because you are

Thomas: the perfect combination of money

Thomas: and boobies.

Shelby: All... right. So where's my room?

Darwin: Hold your "My Little Ponies," little lady. Okay?

Darwin: We have to go over the house rules.

Darwin: But we gotta make it quick because we got midterms in a half hour.

Thomas: First and foremost: never go into the basement.

Thomas: Our other roomate, Shmizmar, is down there and he's, like,

Thomas: constantly masturbating.

Shmizmar: Y'know, I can hear you guys.

Darwin: Oh, and that's his vent. It leads directly to the basement.

Darwin: Sometimes we throw shit down there like food or trash.

Shmizmar: Yeah, I hate that!

Thomas: Anyway, if you follow me off into the kitchen...

Shmizmar: And about that whole "masturbating all the time" thing,

Shmizmar: That was one freaking time.

Shmizmar: You guys didn't even knock.

Shmizmar: You guys?

Shmizmar: They're gone.

Shmizmar: Back to masturbatin'.

Thomas: This is the kitchen.

Darwin: You'll probably be spending most of your time here

Darwin: on account of we don't know how to do the dishes

Darwin: and you're a woman.

Shelby: You guys are such dicks.

Thomas: That's the spirit.

Thomas: And our rooms are up here.

Thomas: There's my room. There's Darwin's.

Thomas: Now there's a couple things about the corridor to keep in mind.

Darwin: I've developed a system of shit to put on the doorknobs

Darwin: to represent different situations.

Darwin: Now if a stethoscope's on the door, it means I'm "getting physical,"

Darwin: if you know what I mean.

Darwin: I mean what I'm doing is "examining human biology,"

Darwin: if you follow what I'm saying.

Thomas: It means he's studying for his pre-med.

Darwin: And if there's a tie!

Darwin: It means I'm making sweet love.

Thomas: To himself.

Darwin: And if the dead raccoon's on the door...

Darwin: Well, you know what that means.

Thomas: I don't.

Darwin: Anyway, we gotta run. But your room's right over there.

Thomas: And if you need anything, talk to the guy in the basement.

Shmizmar: I have a name!

Thomas: But I wouldn't recommend it.

Shmizmar: So...

Shmizmar: Wanna make out?

Created By
Robert F. Page
And
Asher Vollmer

With Help From
Gabe Suchov

Credits
Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride
Titles
Blink 182 - M&M's
Funny Credit
Haha. Hilarious.

Thomas:
Darwin:
Shmizmar:
Grace:
DBZ Kid:

Asher Vollmer
Robert Page
Gabe Suchov
Sue D. Nym
Ben Zimmerman

Voices

A Proud(ish) Creation Of
Otherwise Awesome Productions

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