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The Book Of Many Little Things.swf

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Flash #28664

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Please note that this booklet:

Can only be viewed via your printer.
Will take 6 A4 pages to print out.
Requires 1.6 minutes of assembly.

The Instructions For Assembly Are As Follows

Simple Method:

Super Deluxe Method:

Fold the covers page as directed below. Fold all other pages pages in half as directed in fig 2.
Place folded pages inside covers page and read book.

*Now Featuring An All Encompassing Theme

Fig. 1

"I love a good trouser as much as the next man, and as I said to the boy in River
Island last Saturday "This trouser is no good son!" He did happen to be my son,
but in this Clinton's book that's no excuse for shoddy trouser. Bearing in mind
my love and explicit knowledge of good trouser, I've put together this handy
reference guide about what separates good trouser from bad…"

Maintains shape even after using
leg to wipe damp hound.

Turnups suitable for knife,
luncheon meat storage.

Raises the Major's eyebrows at
social functions.

Inability to be used for evil.

Feet glide through legs and
effortlessly into shoes.

Co-ordinates with Gideon's Bible.

Rats living in pocket.

Smells of mother.

Hemline causes children to
relentlessly mock.

Increased risk of leg cancer.

Tendency to spoil during cribbage
games.

Eerie sounds and cold spots
indicate possible haunting.

Talking point at rural 'Brewmania'
lager festival.

They look a touch gay in a certain
light.

#34 Bum & Onion

ADVERTISEMENT

How to play:
1. Cut out the swan and the pond.
2. Place the swan and the pond on the table.
3. Prevent the swan from reaching the pond
with a pencil.

FOLD

A FUN GAME FOR ALL TO PLAY!

Fig. 2

With just a little more perseverance (and two staples), the reader has the chance to enjoy THE
BOOK OF MANY LITTLE THINGS without any annoying 'blank spaces'.
Fold the covers page as illustrated in fig. 3. Fold the contents page as indicated in fig. 4 and place
against the blank side of the covers page. Fold the remaining pages over so the two printed sides
face apart (fig. 5). Put these pages inside the cover/contents page and staple together.
If these instructions seem perfectly clear, then congratulations, you win some kind of book
making medal. Well done!

Fig. 3

Fig. 5

Contents

THE BOOK OF MANY LITTLE THINGS Vol 1. Issue 1. Was made by Mr Simon Swatman, Mr Log,
and Ms Mara Goes. With thanks to Mr Udagawa and Mr M. Waterfield. All words and images are ©
2002 the respective authors. No reproduction without consent. No diving or bombing. A HELPFUL
NOTICE TO READERS: Various copies of this pamphlet may contain blank pages. Suggestions for
putting these 'blank' pages to good use are as follows: i) Ignore them. ii) Fill them with sketches of
mice wearing amusing and/or inappropriate attire. iii) Keep a record of key facts about murders
that occur near your home or place of business. iv) Stain/spillage absorption. v) Maintain an
accurate tally of broken relationships. vi) Produce a clever forgery of a goose's passport.

INSIDE : THE POINTER SISTERS FIGHT BACK

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Her mouth was full of jewellery and flesh."

P.14

P.24

P.31

1. Mince will lather when rubbed vigorously.
2. Victorians had steam-powered light bulbs.
3. The Welsh don't know their own strength.
4. Black people cannot drink milk because it is the wrong colour.
5. Strobe lights can make you pregnant.
6. When women say no, they want more Martini.
7. Pigeons can give you AIDS.
8. If everyone jumped off a chair at the same time, the world
would crack open and a beautiful flaming bird would carry us
all to Neptune.
9. Dogs are either clockwork or magnetic - she's not sure which.
10. If given enough Dairylea, children will build bridges.
11. There can be only one ham sandwich.
12. NATO is run by He-Man.

"I notice they've changed the hotkey for
viewing site files on Dreamweaver 4 from F5 to
F8. If that rightward trend continues, it'll be on
the Scroll Lock key by version six. As if! Where
next, Macromedia? There's nowhere left!"

The End Of
The Book

AND OF THIS
MAN'S LIFE

Fig. 4

Toothpaste Ingredient Joke Explained

Lazy sub-Morris juxtapositions.

Random whimsy.

"I am responsible for the
death of my abusive father."

A SECRET SWITCH!

CLICK

PEEYOO -
THE
HOTSTEPPER
IS FULLA
BUMBROWNS!

Returning for another session on the
hotstepper carousel this week is sceptic James
Randi, whose history in forensic science
leaves him perfectly equipped to dust the
carousel for fingerprints after last issue's
grisly murder.

No.8 Roast Trumpet

YOU’RE NOT MY WIFE. And
these certainly aren’t my
trousers. I’m very confused. If
only my brother was here.
0118 496 0001

HAVE YOU SEEN MY DOG? I
haven’t seen it, because it
doesn’t exist - so this whole
advert is purely hypothetical.
08081 570 980

YABBA DABBA DOO! That's
the sound I make when I
ejaculate. If anyone else can
think of something even more
jubilant, I may be willing to say
that instead. 0118 496 0006

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A
BARGAIN? If so, then don't
bother reading the rest this. I'm
only selling an old paperback
copy of WHERE EAGLES DARE
and I want a million pounds for
it. 0131 496 0002

I SHOT THE SHERIFF, BUT I
DID NOT KILL THE DEPUTY.
No, that was my mate Keith.
He's fucking insane. Someone
should arrest him. 08081
570980

WANTED: Set of bellows to
flush potential war criminal
tortoise out of shell. 0171
946 0009

The Hotstepper Carousel

#8 Lemon Fuhrer

OUT-OF-PERSPECTIVE
BICYCLE WITH SQUARE
WHEELS required by distant
giant who wishes to cycle over a
mountainous horizon to the
amazement of villagers below.
0909 8790989

DISMISSIVE GLANCE wanted
for unwelcome suitor. Nothing
too cruel, as I think he may be
retarded. 01623 568 242

HONK HONK HONK HONK,
honk honk honk honk honk,
honk honk honk honk. That's
the sound my goose makes all
the time. Quite frankly I'm sick
of it.  0909 8790980

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
GOOD PINT OF BEER. And
this is nothing like a good pint
of beer. It’s a golfing umbrella.
£25 ono. 0131 496 0002

QUITE HUNGRY HIPPO FOR
SALE Just a few more days
without food and I’m sure he’ll
eat your marbles. Phone after
six – I’m a clergyman. 08081
570980

CHAT? Not here. Do it on your
own time. 0113 496 0004

SKETCH AREA

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http://swfchan.com/6/28664/info.shtml
Created: 20/5 -2019 07:46:24 Last modified: 20/5 -2019 07:46:24 Server time: 29/04 -2024 12:51:17