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Harry Potter
and the
End of the Series

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Chapter One
The Trio Reunites

That summer with the Dursleys
was particularly difficult for Harry,

because not only was he still mourning the
death of Dumbledore, but he also had to
deal with his wanky pseudo-sibling,

who was all the time trying to get Harry to
whip him up some love potion

(because the ladies were not buying his story
that they should join him in the sack because
he had more cushion for the pushin).

The seconds crept past. The minutes felt like
hours, the hours felt like days, the days felt
like tough leather,

and the thought of leather made Harry think
of Hermione, who would most likely be
opposed to the killing of cows

to create comfortable shoes, which is why she
always wore comfortable shoes that were
murder-free.

One day while Harry
was playing with his
wand, he realized
“hey! I'm not going
to Hogwarts anymore,
so I might as well
skip all this
monotony and begin
my quest for those
Horcruxes!”
And that's just what
he did.

First thing, of course,
was to call up Ron
and Hermione with his
special Wizard Powers,
and tell them to get
their lazy butts over
there so they could
start kicking some
Ass-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.

So he called up Ron with his magic
what-have-you

and was like
“Ronnie Ronnie Ronnie!”

and Ron was
like
“Oi Oi Oi!”
and they both
had a good
laugh and
made bawdy
noises at
each other.

Then he told Ron to
get off his arse and
join him in the fight
against evil, to which
Ron replied that he
would, he guessed, if
he had to (because Ron
isn’t as much into
fighting evil as he
ought to be at his
age.)

Before he hung up,
Harry asked to
speak to his
sister, so Ron put
Ginny on the phone,
and Harry said
“Hey Ginny –
remember how for a
while there we
were, like, making
out nonstop, and
then I totally
ditched you
Spiderman-style?”

to which Ginny
responded that she did,
and then Harry made some
boom-shaka-laka noises
and made lewd thrusting
motions towards the
phone,

during which Ginny
hung up in Disgust.

Then it was time
to call
Hermione, who
was busy
studying her
books and
things.
“Hey Hermione
– get your head
out of those
books and come
join the fight
against
Voldemort.”

Hermione sighed
and said “Oh
Harry, I think
that we should get
some more studying
in so we can be
sure you’re
prepared!”

to which Harry
Replied “Well
I think you
should get
some more
studying in so
you can be
sure you're
prepared to
suck my balls!
Shut the book
and get your
sweet little
ass over here,
lesbo.”

Hermione was
about to
protest, but
before she
could Harry
made a loud
cat-call and
hung up, so she
really had no
choice but to
drop what she
was doing and
join in the
fight.

reading dirty magazines and
flinging boogers and flatulence
everywhere. Once they had packed
up their wands and a few other
belongings, Harry, Ron, and
Hermione set off on their quest to
defeat Voldemort once and for all.

When she
arrived at the
Weasley house,
she found
Harry and Ron
already there,

Chapter Two
The Death Eaters
Have a Killer Party

While the trio fighting on the
side of good was regrouping, the
Death Eaters were having some crazy
wild party to celebrate the death
of Dumb-bledore.

Voldemort himself was there, but
he was pretty wasted,

and he kept making out with all
these skanky sluts that were
totally wasted too.

It was pretty awesome when He-
Who-Must-Not-Be-Named puked all
over Snape, who was like:

“oh no you didn't!”
and then had to go change into a
different long black frock thing.

The only one not having a good
time was little boy Malfoy, who
was all upset because Snape had
yelled at him earlier,

saying “Man, you made me go and
kill Dumbledore, man! Why did you
have to puss out there, huh?” and
all that sort of thing.

So Malfoy was all alone feeling
sorry for himself, and he was
extra depressed because the only
lady that was trying to make out
with him was some old lady who
smelled like prune juice and
tequila.

Some moments later, as Voldemort
was pulling his face back out of
the toilet bowl, he felt a sudden
disturbance in his little toe
which told him that Harry Potter
had just begun the Epic Quest to
Destroy him,and so Crazy V called
off the party, told everyone to
drink a lot of black coffee and
eat a lot of bread, and to prepare
for battle, for the next day they
would begin the attack against the
Good Trio.

And then Crazy V
Puked right on
Snape AGAIN!

man, it was
wild!

Chapter Three
The Forest of Mystery

Harry, Ron and Hermione had
been walking for hours.

Ron kept
bitching
about how his
shoes hurt,
and Hermione
kept talking
about how he
should have
been prepared
and gotten
some
comfortable
shoes like
she had,

Ron kept
bitching
about how his
shoes hurt,
and Hermione
kept talking
about how he
should have
been prepared
and gotten
some
comfortable
shoes like
she had,

and Harry had
to keep them
both from
getting into
fist fights
with each
other, and
Harry was like
“Man! Why did
I bring them
along anyway?”
and thought
about leaving
them behind,

but then decided against it
because it was nice having them
there to carry his things for him.

He would carry his own things,
but hey – he's The Friggin’
Chosen One.

AKA “The Boy Who Lived, Bitches!”
So it was really below him to do
physical labor.

They walked for miles and miles, and
by nightfall they found themselves
hopelessly lost in the Forest of
Mystery, without a single clue about
where to find the next Horcrux. So
they set up camp and had a nice
campfire, with Ron singing that
‘Weasley Is Our King' song, which
he had extended to include a few
refrains and verses and three part
harmony, which he had written down
and given to Harry and Hermione to
study so they could sing backup.

After everyone had grown tired of
the catchy tune, they turned in for
the night. But it was not a pleasant
night for our heroes,

for throughout the night, they could
hear the sounds of the Death Eaters
drawing closer...

Chapter Four
The Rotten Banana

The next morning, Harry
awoke half past noon, only to find
that Hermione and Ron had already
been up for hours, and didn't even
have the common decency to bring
him breakfast in bed.

“Morning, assholes!” announced
Harry as he emerged from the
tent, scratching his pits.

“What the heck?” asked Hermione,
with heavy lesbian undertones.

“Why didn’t you bring me
breakfast in bed?” Answered
Harry as he removed his shorts
from his butt crack, where they
had migrated during the night.

He then proceeded to look around
for some munchies.
Unfortunately, the only thing he
could find was a rotten banana
high in a tree.

“Oh man, I’m gonna eat that
banana.” Said Harry.

Hermione protested, but Harry
stopped her by putting a sock
down her pants. He then
proceeded to climb the tree,

grab the banana, and then jumped
back down, landing on Ron's foot.
Ron yelped in pain, to which
Harry replied “ha ha ha.”

Then Harry peeled the banana and ate
it in one bite. It was disgusting.

He tossed the peel over his
shoulder and then went on his way.

But Hermione didn’t follow him
just yet, because she noticed a
little note stuck on the banana
peel, so she stopped to pick it up
and read it.

It said: “Note
to self! Do not
eat this
banana, because
it is a
Horcrux! Love
and Kisses,
Crazy V.”

Hermione was
surprised. “Hey
Harry! You just
ate one of
Voldemort’s
Horcuxes!”
To which Harry
responded with a
“cha-ching”
hand motion, and
slapped her on
the backside to
celebrate.

Hermione was
surprised. “Hey
Harry! You just
ate one of
Voldemort’s
Horcuxes!”
To which Harry
responded with a
“cha-ching”
hand motion, and
slapped her on
the backside to
celebrate.

Ron tried to slap her on the
backside to celebrate, but that was
just awkward. Hermione might have
found the awkwardness endearing

if she were attracted to men in the
least. But she wasn't, so that was
that, and they went on their way.

Chapter Five
A Horcrux in the Hand is worth
Two in the Bush

Once they had packed up
camp and started back through the
Forest of Mystery, Harry started
spazzing out or something. It might
have been a side effect from eating
a Horcrux – but how would they
know that?

They're not like some sort of
wizard doctors or something. So
just get off their backs or
something!
They were in fine spirits other
than Harry's sudden spinning leaps
into surrounding shrubs, however,
so they ventured on, singing the
Weasley song and chittering and
chattering.

Things were going well indeed,
until one of Harry's wild shimmies
led him into a bush

Things were going well indeed,
until one of Harry's wild shimmies
led him into a bush

in which there were two small glass
eggs,with a note saying “one of
these is a horcrux! The other is a
magic egg full of magic and good
stuff!”

Harry, Ron and Hermione were like
“hmm” because they didn’t know
which was which, and they didn’t
want to accidentally break the wrong
one. So they set them down on a rock,
to decide with eeny-meenie-miney-mo.

But before
they could
finish the
rhyme, Harry
spazzed out
again and fell
on top of the
rocks,

smashing them both, at which point
it was revealed that in fact they
were both horcruxes, and Voldemort
had hidden them in that bush
because he thought he was being
clever, when really he was just a
‘tard.

But before
they could
finish the
rhyme, Harry
spazzed out
again and fell
on top of the
rocks,

smashing them both, at which point
it was revealed that in fact they
were both horcruxes, and Voldemort
had hidden them in that bush
because he thought he was being
clever, when really he was just a
‘tard.

So they were feeling pretty pleased
with themselves, and decided that
since they had done so well, they
deserved to take the rest of the
day off, so they set up the camp,
and went skinny dipping for the
rest of the day.

Harry and Ron enjoyed the hotness of
Hermione, but she did not so much
enjoy the hotness of Harry and Ron
due to reasons she could not fully
understand, but which we know to be
because she's such a lesbian.

Chapter Six
Death Eaters are Spooky

While they slept soundly in
their tent that night, the Death
Eaters finally made it to their
camp site, and in order to
terrorize them, the death eaters
started thumping around on their
tent and playing bad records from
the early 90s,

and leaving little wooden Blair Witch
Project-style stick figures lying
around to frighten them into leaving
the forest before finding Voldemort.

The next morning things were tense
around the breakfast table, as Ron
and Hermione were fighting worse
than Ever,

and Harry wasn't helping anything by
repeatedly reminding them both that
in the past day he had found and
destroyed three Horcruxes,

while neither of them had done
anything useful at all. By the end of
breakfast they were all so sick of
each other that they decided

it would best for them all to just
split up and go their separate way.

Chapter Seven
Hermione

Hermione set off through
the woods using the trees and other
natural symbols as her guides. She
knew all about how to follow
signals to find settlements because
she’s brainy like that, and by the
end of the day of walking, she
found herself in a beautiful grotto

with lakes and waterfalls and
everything.It didn't look like the
sort of place Death Eaters would
hang out, and there were no other
people around,

so she got
naked once
again
(Hermione just
looooves to be
nekkid) and
swam about in
the pristine
pools.

After a few hours of this, she
started to hear voices – beautiful
voices that sounded like chimes in
the wind.

She wanted to hide, but something
was drawing her to the voices.

And then they arrived – the
inhabitants of this grotto: a group
of one hundred of the most beautiful
nymphs she had ever seen,

and each one as naked as she. The
nymphs leapt into the water,
splashing each other playfully, and
Hermione felt a feeling deep inside

she had never felt before, outside of
a few instances in the girls shower
rooms. The Nymphs were laughing and
playing, but then they stopped, and
all eyes turned to Hermione.

Hermione looked for a place to hide,
but it was too late, and four of the
nymphs put their arms around her and
drew her into the center of the
lake.

The leader of the nymphs, the most
beautiful one of them all, stepped
forward.
“Who are you, and why have you come
to our grotto?” she asked,

to which Hermione replied that she
had followed the signs to life and
found herself there quite by
accident, but felt herself strangely
attracted to this place,

and strangely attracted to the
beautiful nymphs that lived there.
She was going to go on, but the head
nymph stopped her by kissing her
full on the lips,

and wrapping her arms around her
to caress her back and buttocks.

Hermione was taken aback, but felt
as if she had found where she was
supposed to be at last. “Who… who
are you?” asked Hermione, to which
the head nymph replied:

“We are the Nympho Nymphs. You
were brought here because this is
where you are meant to be, and now
that you are here, it is time for us
to have a massive lesbian orgy

amidst the springs and waterfalls.”

Hermione couldn’t argue with this
logic, and what followed was the most
passionate and erotic lesbian orgy
ever imagined in the world, and boy
were Ron and Harry sorry they had
left her now.

Chapter Eight
Ron

Ron set off in a different
direction – he had a compass with
him, and so followed it West, all
the while singing his new fancy
version of Weasley is our King. He
had walked for miles and miles, and
sung his song dozens of times,

until suddenly a little man in a
loud suit stepped out in front of
him and began speaking quickly:

until suddenly a little man in a
loud suit stepped out in front of
him and began speaking quickly:

“Say there friend, I
happened to hear you
singing just then, and
I think you have the
potential to be one of
the greatest singers of
our time! What do you
say we bring you to
Germany to make you a
Pop Sensation?”

Ron thought this
sounded fine, so
he agreed. He
then hopped in
the little man's
jet and flew
straight to
Germany, where in
a matter of hours
he had been
transformed into
a bigger German
Pop Sensation
than David
Hasselhoff!

The weeks and
months went by,
and Ron’s hits
topped the charts
over and over –
in his first six
weeks in Germany,
he had already had
700 number one hit

singles. The ladies loved him, the
fellas loved him for making songs
that were excellent to listen to
while getting their groove on, and
puppies loved him because he wrote
a song for a dog food commercial.

Ron became
immensely popular,
and immensely
rich. He became so
rich in fact that
he called up the
rest of his family
and bought them a

giant mansion on the French
Riviera, where all of them lived
except for Ginny, who had run away
from home after Harry broke up
with her. And... uh... That’s
what happened with Ron.

Chapter Nine
Harry Potter and the Star Wars References

Harry was having a very rough
time of it – he searched for weeks
with no luck finding the final
Horcrux, and each night the death
eaters became more and more nasty.
They had started being so bad that
they threw little greasy fish at
him whenever he took a potty break.

But then one day, all of that
changed, for as Harry was looking
for a place to pee, there stood
Voldemort, also looking for a place
to pee.

They both looked at each other,
and knew that this was where the
battle would be.

Crazy V called in his Death
Eaters, and they all stood around
in a circle cheering him on.

Then there was a Great Fight
between Harry and Crazy V –
although not as great as it could
have been, because they each had to
focus some of their energy into not
wetting their pants.

Just when everyone thought that it
wasn't going to end yet, Lord
Voldemort pulled out some crazy new
spell nobody had ever seen before,
and it lifted Harry up into the air

and started draining the life out
of him. Harry became weaker and
weaker, and was nearing the point
of death, when something unexpected
happened!

Professor Snape stepped forward,
and switched sides once again!
That's right – he turned against
Voldemort to save the boy's life,
totally Darth Vader-style!

Of course Snape couldn’t defeat
Crazy V because he's a little wimpy
Death Eater Formerly Known as Half-
Blood Prince, but at least it gave
Harry time to run away like a
sissy, and that's just what he did.

Harry ran and ran, until he ran
into a very unexpected figure –
Dumbledore! That's right,
there was Dumbledore – he had
become an Obi-Wan-Style Ghost!

Dumbledore explained that there was
a reason that Harry couldn't find
the final Horcrux, and that was
because it was Harry Himself! And
this being the case, the only way

to defeat Voldemort for once and
for all, he would have to destroy
himself and Crazy V at the same
time!  Harry was pretty bummed,

but not too surprised since he had
kind of imagined it would end like
this for some time.
So Harry did a few things that he
wanted to do before he died,

and
then
went
back
to the
Death
Eaters
to
finish
things
once
and
for
all.

and
then
went
back
to the
Death
Eaters
to
finish
things
once
and
for
all.

Chapter Ten
Harry Potter
and the
End of the Series

Harry walked back into the
circle of Death Eaters, and changed
into his Boxing Shorts, because
that's what he felt like wearing.

He was about to signal the start
of the epic battle, but then came
another shocker:

He was about to signal the start
of the epic battle, but then came
another shocker:

there in the crowd was Ginny,
making out with Malfoy!

“Oh – you
little slut!”
shouted Harry at
her,

“Oh – you
little slut!”
shouted Harry at
her,

but she just flipped him the bird
and stuck her tongue down Malfoy's
throat again.

If she had been able to talk, she
would have said that she was doing
this to get back at him for being
so rude to her on the phone, but as
it was Harry just felt totally
betrayed, and didn’t want to kill

Voldemort
until he had
settled this
whole Ginny
thing first.

But unfortunately
for Him, Crazy V
didn’t care about
their little soap
opera dealings, and
so started the
fight anyway.

I won't give you all the gory
details, but I'll just say that
Harry died a pretty gruesome
death, but that you shouldn't
be too sad about it because
before he died he got one good
spell in that hit Crazy V right
in the groin, and that was the
most painful way to die ever.

Epilogue

So in the end most everyone
lived happily ever after.


Dumbledore's
ghost was
able to go
back and
remain the
headmaster
at Hogwarts
forever and
ever,

Rons
singing
career took
him all
over the
world and
made
him so
famous
that he
even got
his own
“behind
the music”
special,

Hermione lived in bliss as she had
nonstop lesbian sex with one hundred
beautiful nympho nymphs,

Malfoy finally got to find out
what a girl looks like naked,

and all the death eaters and everyone
else got to go back to their day jobs.

The only ones it didn't work out so
well for were Harry and Voldemort,
but hey – it was for a good cause.

The End

Play Again

Written, Drawn and Read
by Nathaniel Jones
www.NathanielJones.com

2005 - Blue Chair Entertainment
www.GuyWithTheCoat.com

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Protect (24)Timeline Frame 131 bytes "..$1$zu$BOnV2iKiwsS7rb75rVdxv.."




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Created: 14/5 -2019 01:51:33 Last modified: 14/5 -2019 01:51:33 Server time: 09/05 -2024 10:17:08