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Thicker Than Water.swf

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Flash #59727

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Text
thicker than water

a comic by Edmund McMillen

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The following story is based on
my childhood. The names have
been changed so my father and
his new wife don't sue me.
enjoy
-Edmund

Dear readers ,

next

next

SO WHAT THE FUCK
IS ALL THIS?

I MADE IT

OH YEAH? WELL I EXPECT
THAT WATER HEATER BOX
BACK BEHIND THE HOUSE
WHEN I GET BACK, AND
NEXT TIME ASK BEFORE
YOU TOUCH MY SHIT!

ITS A FORT

THATS FUCKIN'
GREAT..

THICKER THAN WATER

© Edmund McMillen

previous

previous

HEY EDDY,
WHAT'S that?

IT'S A FORT!

OH, WELL WHAT'S WITH
THE CRUcIFIED DEAD
BIRD THEN?

YOU'RE A REALLY
WEIRD KID YOU
KNOW THAT

HELP ME!

HEY EDDY! I'M A
MAGIC BIRDy! WOOO!
A SPOOKY DEAD
MAGIC BIRDY!

FEED ME THE BLOOD
OF THE NON-BELIEVER
AND I SHALL GRANT
YOU 3 EVIL WISHES!

SO EVIL IN FACT I
CAN'T EVEN GRANT
ONE BECAUSE OF IT'S
GREAT EVILNESS!!

COOL!

MAN IT'S SO GOOD
TO HAVE SOMEONE TO
TALK TO AGAIN...

WOW, YOU  ARE A
STRANGE LOOKING ONE
AReN'T YOU, LOOKS LIKE
YOU'VE BEEN EATING
TOO MANY BURRITO'S

YEAH KID YOU SURE
ARE A FAT LITTLE
BOY.. YOU ARE A
BOY RIGHT? HAHAha!

I'M An EVIL MAGIC BIRD
AND EDDY EATS MY
DONKEY TURD!

THE STINKY BOY WONT
SAY A WORD CAUSE
I'M IN FIRST AND HE'S
IN THIRD!

SING ALONG FATTY!

DAMN IT EDDY! WHEN
I GET OFF THIS THING
I'M GUNNA EAT CHA!

OH YEAH! HERE I COME
FATTY! GET READY
FOR THE EVILNESS!!

HMMM, WELL THIS SURE
PUTS A BIT OF A
DAMPER ON THINGS...

HEH, YOU KNOW I
WAS JUST KIDDING
ABOUT THE FAT
THING RIGHT EDDY?
I'M A NICE BIRDY

I MEAN, YOU'RE A
GOOD LOOKING KID
YOU KINDA REMIND
ME OF A YOUNG
MEAT LOAF

WHAT!? OH COME ON!
THAT'S A COMPLiMENT!
. . .
GOD DAMN IT...

OH YEAH! WELL YOU
AReN'T GETTING ANY
WISHES NOW FATTY!
YOU WOULD
PROBABLY WISH
FOR FOOD
ANYWAY!

OOOH BIG MAN!
THOwiING ROCKS AT
A HELPLESS
DEAD BIRD!

HEY DOLLY GUESS WHAT?
I'M GUNNA FLY AWAY!
YEP, I HAVE A PLAN AND
EVERYTHING! IT'S SO
COOL!!! YOU WANNA HEAR
WHAT IT IS?

I'M GOING TO ATTACH
HUGE BALOONS TO MY
INNER TUBE AND FILL
THEM UP WITH HELIUM!
THEN I CAN FLOAT OVER
THE CITY JUMPING FROM
HOUSE TO HOUSE!!!

THEY WOULD ALL LOVE
ME AND CALL ME
SUMMER THE GREAT
FLOATING BALlOON GIRL
AND EVERYONE WILL
WANT TO BE MY
FRIEND!

STOP HITTING ME
EDDY!! I DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU'RE HITTING ME
WHAT DID I EVER
DO TO YOU?

I MEAN YOU'RE MY
BROTHER AND I
LOVE YOU... WE
SHOULDN'T FIGHT...
YOU WANNA COMB
DOLLY'S HAIR?

listen eddy! if you
hit me with that
stick one more
time i'm going to
tell mom!

mom! mom! eddy is
hitting me with
sticks again and
calling me a
lesbian! make him
stop mom! he's
Evil!

she's a liar mom
don't listen to her!

summer is making
it all up! i only
hit her because
she wouldn't
give me the
channel changer
yesterday!

nuh uh!

CHUCK! ITS TIME
TO PICK UP YOUR
KIDS!!

MOM! MOM! HE'S
DOING IT AGAIN!! HE
CALLED ME LESBIAN
MOM! MOMMMM!!

LIAR!

it's your weekend
chuck! you need to
pick up the kids!
now!

jesus
christ!

how am i supposed
to feed them with
you taking half my
pay check? man i
had a drug problem
and with the power
of jesus i have
been saved! what
more do you want
from me!?

i've got meetings to
go to... and church...
damn it susan! the
kids are going to
touch my stuff!
...
fine, ill pick them
up in an hour...

hey kids i bet i
know what you
wanna do this
weekend! you
wanna go to
great america!

then maybe after
that we could drive
down to univerisal
studios then maybe
disneyland! you'd
like that right kids?!

yeah i bet you
would you selfish
bastards! what do
you think i'm made
of money!?
jesus christ!

YEAH!!

i don't understand
how your mom
expects you kids
to have any fun
at my house when
i don't have any
money or toys...

she takes half my
damn check
then expects me to
come up with "fun
money" for you kids!

mom says you're a
whining jackass...

i'm a monkey!

oh i get it, you're
talking about your
chinese zodiac sign
i dont remember
what i am, but i
think your sister is
the piggy

i'm a poopoo
monkey!

so eddy, what have
you been up to?

well me and justin
are playing D&D
i'm a level 9 elf!

you're going
to hell...

ok, well i'm going to
go watch my ball
game, so you kids
entertain yourselves,
just shut up and
stay out of my way,
go play outside
or something

god damn it!
you kids are making
too much noise!!
you're going to jinx
the game! see see!
he dropped the damn
ball! this isn't a
jungle play pen
crazy park! go play
outside!!

now before we
eat we must
first say grace

dear lord please
bless this meal
we are about to
eat...
and forgive me
for stealing my
son's toys and
selling them for
drugs...

also forgive me
for masturbating
and thinking
impure thoughts
while i cooked the
hotdogs

and bless jesus
and my house
and for the food
and for me not
doing drugs
and...

jesus fucking christ
eddy!! it just
couldn't wait till
i thanked god could
it?! god damn it
all to hell eddy
shut the fuck up!!!

dad i'm hungry...

and bless  baby
jesus and this
table and food
and fish and my
family and...

and bless my kids,
eddy is there
anything you want
to add to the
prayer?

Monkey!!!

and bless my car
my house my head
the cats that piss
in my car my mom
my dads big head
the finger in my
jesus...

and bless the food
again because i love
eating and please
make me happy
because i hate my
life and all that
good stuff

amen

so did you kids
have a fun
time?

wow... there are
sure a lot of
gays in your
neighborhood

you do know that
homos are an
abomination of god
and choose to live
a life ofsexual
deviancy and
pedophillia right?

but they don't have
a choice, they are
born that way

i don't know who's
filling your mind
with all these
faggot loving lies
...
all gays are
going to hell!

gays are evil!!! evil
demons, who are
here to corrupt
our christian youth!!
baby rapists sent
by the devil
himself!!!

but gay people
are nice...

why would my own
son defend gays?!
have they got to
him?... oh god... my
son! my son is
gay!!!

my own son gay!?
how could this
happen... i knew i
should have forced
him to play more
sports...

uhhh... he's smiling
at me... in a gay way
he's probably
thinking about having
sex with me...

what do you mean
eddy's gay?!

well he defends
fags... he doesn't
like sports and he
doesn't have a
girlfriend... i asked
him about it and
he said girls have
cooties!

he's seven years
old!!!

well anyway he's
gay... and the bible
says all gays are
going to burn in
the blackest
hell!

i hope you know
this is all your
fault! you and your
bras! leaving them
around where he
can see them! you
need to feed him
more red meat!!!

either way i don't
see IT COMING FROM
THE FACT THAT HE HAS
NO POSITIVE MALE
FIGURE IN HIS LIFE... I'M
SURE THAT'S WHERE
YOU WERE GOING TO
GO WITH THAT.. I MEAN
I SEE HIM ALMOST
EVERY OTHER WEEKEND!

I HOPE YOU'Re HAPPY
SUSAN! YOU KNOW
IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR
NOT PUTTING A
CHRISTAIN GOD IN HIM
...
WELL I GOTTA GO ALL
THIS TALK ABOUT
GAYS IS MAKING ME
HORNY...

...
UHHH, HUNGRY! I MEaNT
HUNGRY!
...

....
I'M GOING TO GO READ
THE BIBLE.. AND..
UH...
...
NO SPEAKY ENGLISH
WRONG NUMBA... SO
SORRY... CLICK!

WHAT?

YOUR DAD THINKS
YOU'Re GAY...

THERE IS A KID AT
SCHOOL WHO HAS A
RABBIT WHO HAS
SEX WITH EVERYTHING
ONE TIME IT HUMPED
A PENCIL SHARPNER
THERE WAS A TON OF
BLOOD IT WAS COOL!

WELL DO YOU LIKE
BOYS OR GIRLS?

UMM.... THERE IS THIS
GIRL AT SCHOOL WHO
IS a MONGOLOID AND
EATS LEaD... SHE'S
COOL I GUESS, I LIKE
RAINBOW BRIGHT
SHE'S A HOTTY!

I ALSO LIKE LITTLE
GOATS AND SHINY
ROCKS IN JARS OF
WATER... ONE TIME I
LIKED THIS DEAD
FROG, BUT AFTER A
FEW DAYS IT STARTED
TO STINK REALLY BAD

OH COME ON SUMMER
THERE HAS TO BE
SOMETHING BETTER ON
TV THEN RERUNS
OF CHIPS!

I'VE GOT AN IDEA...
HOW ABOUT WHEN YOUR
SHOW IS OVER I GET
TO HOLD THE CHANNEL
CHANGER WHEN WE
WATCH MY SHOW?

I GOT AN IDEA
HOW ABOUT YOU
SHUT UP!

OK SUMMER YOUR
SHOW IS OVER! NOW
IT'S MY TURN!

IT'S NOT
OVER...

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
THOSE ARE THE
CREDITS!

I LIKE THE
CREDITS

YOu'RE A JERK!

OK NOW LET'S
SEE WHAT'S
ON LIFETIME

IT'S MY TURN
SUMMER! GIVE ME
THE CHANNEL
CHANGER NOW!!!

UM. I DON'T
KNOW WHERE
IT IS

YOU KNOW DAMN
WELL WHERE IT IS!
YOU'RE SITTING ON
IT!

IT'S ALL
YOURS

fart!

YOUR SHOW IS STUPID!
FULL HOUSE IS ON!
THIS SUCKS IT LOOKS
SO FAKE!

SHUT UP!!!

I DON'T HAVE TO SHUT
UP EDDY! AND IF YOU
HIT ME I'LL JUST TELL
MOM AND YOU WILL GET
IN TROUBLE AND LOSE
YOUR TV PRIVILEdGES
AND I'LL GET TO WATCH
WHAT I WANT ALL DAY!
SO HA!

LAST WEEK AT
SCHOOL I GOT
A BLUE RIBBON
ON MY HOT AIR
BAlLOON PAINTING!

I HAVE BIG PLANS
MOM! I'M GOING TO
BE A GREAT ARTIST!
I'M GOING TO BECOME
SOMETHING!

big WhOOP!

EDDY WHERE IS
SUMMER?

SO COLD...
SO HUNGRY...

I'M STILL HUNGRY
AND I WANT TO
EAT THE CHICKEN
LIVER!

YOU DONT LIKE
LIVER EDDY YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO EAT
IT...

ACTUALLY I NEED
LIVERS TO LIVE!
SEE I'M A LIVER
ZOMBIE! GIVE ME
YOUR LIVER!!!

MAN I SHOULDN'T
HAVE ASKED FOR
THAT LIVER, IT'S
SO GROSS...

MAYBE IF I JUST
LEAVE the table
and say im sick i
can get away

if you think you're
leaving this table
before you finish
your plate you're
fucking mistaken!

ummm... my stomach
hurts... i can't eat
any more liver...

i think i'm gunna
throw up... can i be
excused?

ok... let's go to
the bathroom so
you can puke
then!

alright mr. sick
kid puke!

i don't
wanna

i mean i
already
did...

don't fucking lie to
me! i've been
standing here the
whole time! now you
said you were sick
so puke!

wow i feel much
better now! good
thing i got that all
out i think we could
have had a lethal
case of food
poisoning there...
heh...

now listen up eddy
i know your mom
ran things a little
differently before
i moved in but
things are gunna
change!

this whole faking sick
and wasting food shit
might fly with your
mother... but it wont
fly with me!!!

oh yeah lester!?
well guess what
you're not my real
dad! and you can't
tell me what to do!
so you can just
go away!

oh is that so... well
guess what little
man? did you ever
think that maybe
when you're at school
i could throw all your
toys into the rivean?!

or maybe one day
you'll come home
and your mom and
i will be gone...

ever think about
that tough guy?

eddy! what are you
doing up so early!?
get dressed! you
gotta go to school
soon!!

hey eddy what did
you draw... a doggy?
i drew a flower

oh rose you
wouldn't
understand
my work...

it's deep and
meaningful it's a
mirror of my
emotions and fears
see rose...
i'm an artist

it looks like a guy
killing a bear with
a chainsaw to me...

the blood
represents a
world without
love

you're a very
strange boy eddy
why can't you draw
something pretty?

well see rose i
draw from my
imagination a place
where no one but
me can enter...
where i am king
and can do or
say anything i want

for example... here
is a drawing of the
time i killed my step
dad with an ice pick
and ate his eyes...

see this part is
where i choke him
with his own
intestine and kick
his head in with my
magical devil boot!

ms. pepmoan!!
eddy is
currupting my
little mind again!

eddy... do we have
to see the mental
health counseler
again?

he drew a guy
killing a bear with
a chainsaw! it's so
gross!!

well what's that
cute little red
worm in the
corner

his weiner...

my son is not
disturbed!!!

well mrs. garnett
your son just
finished a book
where a bear
gets killed,
disembowled then
gets fed his own
excrement!

mom!

mom! i need more
meat for my life
size lizzie borden
diorama... and see
if you can get a
few bags of pigs
blood again too...

hello god.. it's me
eddy... i know i
havent been the
best boy in the
world but i need
your help

it's just one simple
wish an easy one
really... and i'll go
to church this week
and everything

just please kill
my step dad
lester!!

just whack him out!
use your heaven
magic or something
please!!!

come on... a stroke,
heart attack, wild
dog mauling evil
death snake?
anything!

and if you can't can
you please refer
me to a god that
can... like maybe
buddah or allah...

and also bless
summer and my
mom and dad
...
amen

shut up eddy
i'm god and i
don't like you!

you're a stupid
and you are also
a fat head!!!

just kidding eddy
it's just me again
the evil dead birdy
and i'm here to
kill you!!!

but you can't kill
me you're just a
dead bird nailed
to a piece of wood

i'm gunna
eat cha!!!

oh so you think
you're some tough
guy now huh?!
well you're fat
and no one likes
you!

...
i'm sorry
please let me in
i'm cold
...

i hate you!
you stupid fat head!
you have no friends
and you can't even
wipe your butt
right!

even your sister is
cooler than you!
maybe i shoud just
hang out with her
because you are
such a stupid!

where is
your sister
anyway?

© Edmund McMillen

replay

replay

contact me

contact me

to be continued...

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