swfchan: Declaration of Revocation.swf (info)

Text

Sidorio Presents

A Film by Rogate Studios

The Declaration of Revocation
as told by John Cleese.
Improvised and animated by Sidorio

To the citizens of the United States of
America, in the light of your failure to elect a
competent President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of
the revocation of your independence,
effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and
other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

1. You should look up "revocation" in the
Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up
"tomato." Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how
wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words
such as 'favour' and 'neighbour';
skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more
than laziness on your part. Likewise, you
will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
skipping half the letters.

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the
Jerry Springer show. If you're not old
enough to cope with bad language then
you shouldn't have chat shows. When
you learn to develop your vocabulary,
then you won't have to use bad language
as often.

So you're ******* saying that your
***** mom ****** told you the ****
off?

2. There is no such thing as "US English."
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated
letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

While we're talking about regions, you
must learn that there is no such place as
Devonshire in England. The name of the
county is "Devon." If you persist in
calling it Devonshire, all American
States will become "shires" e.g.
Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

3. Talking about regions, you must learn
that there is no such place as
Devonshire in England. The name of the
county is "Devon." If you persist in
calling it Devonshire, all American
States will become "shires" e.g.
Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving
Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast
and watered down for a wishy-washy
American audience who can't cope with
the humour of occasional political
incorrectness.

Most of you cover yourselves up with towels when
drying yourselves in changing rooms, no matter how
inconvient it is. If you can't cope with brief nudity
infront of others, how will you ever cope with Extras?

5. You should stop playing American
"football." There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American
"football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is
a world outside your borders may have
noticed that no one else plays "American"
football. You will no longer be allowed to play
it, and should instead play proper football.

6. You will no longer be allowed to own or
carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to
own or carry anything more dangerous in
public than a vegetable peeler.

8. All road intersections will be replaced with
roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with
immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric
with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will
help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you
call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even
French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you
(including the guy who discovered fries while in
Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on
calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is
lager . From November 1st only proper
British Bitter will be referred to as "beer,"
and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager."
The substances formerly known as
"American Beer" will henceforth be referred
to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine."

ALL AMERICAN BEER

With the exception of the product of the American Budweiser
company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-
Frozen Gnat's Urine."

Near-Frozen Gnats Urine

13.

Please tell us who killed
JFK. It's been driving us
crazy.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Thank you for your co-operation.
J

Thank you for your co-operation.
Jo

Thank you for your co-operation.
Joh

Thank you for your co-operation.
John

Thank you for your co-operation.
John C

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cl

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cle

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Clee

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Clees

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

Animation by Sidorio
Speech by John Cleese
Music by Cjmaitland

FIN.

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