swfchan: animal rights.swf (info)

Text

walfas.org

I think in the
beginning of this
article, the author
makes a very bold
leap in comparing
the animal rights
movement to civil
and women's rights
movement.

PollAn, Michael. "An Animal's Place."
New York Times 10 Nov. 2002.
(Yes, I just cited an article in MLA format)

oh yeah, I thought
that was interesting
as well. While there
are vague similarities,
they're incredibly
different.

I mean, if they were the
same, we might as well
be giving animals the
right to trial, the right
to vote or even the
right to run for
political office!

The Animal Rights Amendment
by Anna Mull
Earlier today, an historic amendment was
passed, giving animals the rights that many
of us humans have had for decades. Animal
rights activists held parades in various
cities around the world, overjoyed with this
decision.
"No way! That's impossible!" Marisa Kirisame
was unable to contain her excitement as she
spoke to us in an exclusive interview. "I
know a lot of animals! Well, they're sort of
like humans, I guess. But now they have the
right to vote! How exciting!"
Ms. Kirisame was much less excited when we
told her that this amendment only applied to
animals living in the United States.

Squiggly the Pig wins lawsuit: obtains
$50 million for emotional damages
by Peggy "Peg" Pegg
Squiggly the Pig, resident of Montana, spoke
eloquently and persuasively to the jury in the
recently closed case Squiggly vs. State of
Montana. One juror, Marisa Kirisame, told us in an
exclusive interview: "It was so emotional... when
Squiggly spoke about the emotional trauma he faced
on the farm, the only thing I could think was 'no
way... that's impossible.' After the animal rights
amendment was passed, I didn't think any animals
would ever be treated that way ever again!"
Many see this as a necessary step in ensuring that
the rights granted by the amendment are actually
enforced. One animal rights activist who did not
give us a name said: "I think pigs are pretty
great. Without them, we wouldn't have bacon or
pork. Or lambchops. Oh, those don't come from
pigs? Sorry. Bacon is pretty neat though."

Meowmeow Meowington the Third:
Our Nation's First Cat President
by Kit E. Katz
"Meow meow," echoed the words of Meowington in
Washington today as she was sworn in as the first
cat president of the United States of America.
What took place here today was a truly historic
moment, as billions of humans and animals watched
the ceremony on television.
Vice president Marisa Kirisame was on the verge of
tears and was unavailable for an interview.
Sources say that Ms. Kirisame is close friends
with a cat, and that this moment is especially
significant.
Who would have guessed that only five years after
the passing of the amendment guaranteeing equal
rights to animals, an animal would rise to become
president? Right before the ceremony, Meowington
was seen clawing up some furniture, clearly
stressed from the importance of her inauguration.

I believe in you,
Meowington!

Hey! It might seem
silly today, but in
the future, we
will have a cat
president! And it
will be historic!
Historic, I tell
you!

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