swfchan: shitty adventure.swf (info)

Text

SHITTY ADVENTURE STORY GO!

play

credits

fuck you

eat a dick

"I told you it was shity"

So you're like traipsing through the forest or whatever. Good for you.
You spy some shit on the ground.

pick it up

find a weapon

you pick it up. it's a pink flute covered in so much glitter you have no doubt that the craft
supply fairy had been mastrubating fursiously with it at some point or another.

play the flute

ignore it

you put your face near it and start playing a song. it's fucking magical what do you expect.
a huge shadow falls over you. oh shit.

hide!

stand your ground

oh shit!

you walk a little further into the bushes and find a massive, scarred battleax crusted with
what appears to be demon's blood and angel tears. it is lying on the ground.

fuck it

ignore it

the ax consents enthusiastically and you have tender, passionate sex with it.
unfortunately the sounds of your barry white CD has attracted a manticore.

die by manticore

kiss your lover one
last time

run!

you are eaten, THEN killed by a terrible manticore. such a shame.

start over

apparently you have summoned a pegasaurus. it's a stegasaurus pegasus if you didn't
know. this one seems to have a saddle, and a lovely matching set of chainsaws.
it patiently awaits your command.

ride it

ignore it

as you comepletly ignore something that could have been cool, you walk along a fairly curvy
pathway. there is a fork in the road.

go left

go right

pick it up

you pass by the fork, what the fuck is a piece of cutlery doing out here anyway?
you see a castle in the distance.

ignore the castle and run headlong into
the woods

let's save a princess or some shit

you savor the flavor of the delishious cock of an incredibly aroused blue and purple
demon guy. you are now fully rested, and have 100 hit points.

start

fuck you

You make kinky, passionate love to the maker of this flash. oh baby, you know I like it like
that. oh sempai notice me! If you want a secret there's a metric assload of them on the
credits page because most people are fuckwads and never check it, teehee.
you are now fully rested and have 100 hitpoints.

start

suck a dick

The fork is stuck in the ground and won't budge. damn it. you stomp it flush to the ground in
anger. It jabs your foot and you lose ten hitpoints.

curse and keep walking

kill yourself

You manage to choke on your own tongue in a show of ineptitude that would baffle any
passing stranger. You wake up in a fiery inferno, with a blue and purple demon dude
sitting on a comfy ottoman. there's a similar ottoman beside him. He motions for you to
sit, what do you do?

sit your ass down

fight

He's like ten goddamn feet tall and you notice there's a whole fucking fleet of manticores
sleeping around you both. you decide not to fight him because you still have working
braincells, as well as no clothing or weapons.

sit your ass down

fuck him

You sit your punk-ass down beside the demon guy, and ask him why the fuck you are in
what appears to be hell, since hell doesn't exist and this is a load of bullshit.
he explains you are actually in the colon of the great protector of the forest, and as long
as you sit on the magical ottoman you'll be farted out before you get eaten by manticores.

question him

poke a manticore

wait

Before you can ask or think about anything else, you are both hurled from your seats by a gust
of flatulence and violently jettisoned out of a two-story tall rat anus. The rat looks back and
ajdusts his dark glasses with a sheepish grin before trundling away, hauling balls the size of a
decent whale apiece. you ponder if they would be sperm whales.

oh shit!

you turn to the demon guy and go 'what the actual fuck.I thought the protector of the
forest was like a lion or a dudedeer or some shit' he looks at you and shakes his head
sadly, "well there used to be a bunch of them before the manticores. That rat guy's
asshole is the baddest, so he's the protector now. I wouldn't be too upset, you're alive
and not dead at the moment, so he's doing his job." turning away from you, he points to
a castle in the distance. "you should go to princess flanny's castle before something
stomps the yard on your body out here. everything is like 90% traps-and I don't mean
the bridget kind."

go to the castle

go back into the woods

You stuble on the corpse of some dead cheeta guy. poor fella. whelp. no use lettin' him go
to waste. you've got some time on your hands and some thoughts on your mind.

fuck him

kissing practice

leave

you head towards the castle, and hear pathetic sobbing in the distance, running-
you see a lovely horse lady chained to a princess chair, locked into heels and
decked out on garish makeup. her tears are making the mascara run and splash
onto her gown, which is pink white and a deep brown like neopolitan ice cream. a
single waterballoon sits in her corset, the other apprears to have popped.

talk to the princess

save the princess

take advantage of the
princess

You try to get closer to the fair maiden, but she just sniffles and bawls louder. a mint
green fairy pops out of a doorway and looks furious.uh oh.

talk to her

run

you run far and fast, leaving the horse guy and the creepy fairy far behind you. now
what, smartass?

continue on your quest

you open your mouth to talk to her, but she pins your arms behind you and dumps you
on your ass in front of the princess. you purr that you like it rough and she asks if the
naughty tresspasser needs a spanking. where did that paddle and domintatrix outfit
come from? not that you're complaining. it seems like you're either in for some fun or in
deep shit, my friend. what do you do?

the safeword is
pineapple, baby

escape!

you are astride the mighty pegasaurus. it's chainsaws buzz with delight as you swoop amoung
the clouds. you see a horde of sexy pansexual cloudmaids (mermaids with wings for tails.) they
admire your sweet ride and beckon you to join them on their sky-island of debauchery.

land on the sky island
of debauchery

you use his cold, limp body for kissing practice. so sexy. you spend some time with him until rigor
starts to set in, and then give him a final, deep tounged kiss goodbye and get to going on your way.
feeling much more confident in your oral skills. +10 kissing skill.

continue

moar dead guy

You decide to have a little fun with his corpse and enjoy making all nature of fuck. screw
your love, your clitoris and/or penis is like a truck. a monster truck. vroom vroom, baby.
having your sexy times, you collapse on your lover happy that he will never tell your
friends how lousy you are at not falling asleep during serious powerpoints.
+10 necophilia. you pose his face in a comical and sated expression and go on your way.

you land your powerful steed on the sky-island of debauchery and are immediately swarmed
by a hoard of beings that are the sex, gender, bodytype and orientation that is your favorite.
each one is wonderful and vying for your attentions. several offer you plates of sumptious
food, golden goblets of the best drinking stuffs, and a glistening crown dripping with gold and
adorned with deep pomegranate rubies, lush forest green emeralds and bottomless cobalt
sapphires. they place the crown on your head and everyone cheers.

party time!

food time!

fuck time!

you partake of your drinks, and take a lovely creature on either arm, you proceed to dance,
talk with your new friends,and crack the best jokes. your glass is never empty, and the best
edibles abound. a DJ gets up and starts the music, the sun sets as you fall into a reverie.
small, dragonfly winged fairies of ambiguious gender and four dark eyes flutter around with
tiny LEDS in each of their four hands, painting the sky with bright splashes of color in time
with the music. The scent of home wafts through the air, and as the party goes on you find
youself falling asleep in your comfortable chair, exhasted from a hard day's party.

go to bed

fuck time!

You wake up rested, comfortable and oddly engergised. you look to find several attractive
sexual partners littered about your bed, and are careful not to wake them as you get out.
apparently someone is already awake, as a small breakfast feast has been prepared,
and everything smells fantastic. a particularly sexy creature from the night before is in the
doorway wearing only an apron, a smile in it's eyes just for you. you let out a little shiver
of appreciation before nibbling on the fare on the table.

good morning, hon

you and your trusty pegasaurus are VIP guests on the sky island of debauchery. you have a
crown and everything, the people all love you and you seem to do everything right here.
maybe you should stay for a little while longer, because it's a goddamned nice place.

eat all day

sleep all day

party all day

leave

you are presented at a table fit for vallhalla. the goblets are the size of your head and all
around you are exotic fruits, meat so tender it falls of the bone and melts in your mouth,
vegtibles so fragrant and crisp they seem to have grown on the table, hot loaves of
bread, steaming cauldrons of any soup or stew you can imagine, vast kettles of rice and
golden onions and potatoes. You are in awe at the sheer quantity, quality, and newness.
some things you've only heard of, only dreamed of and it's all at your fingertips.
a pair of women joined at the waist are under the table, slurring their words and offering
sexual and party favors. many people get oral and party hats, you may or may not grab
one or more for yourself. you gorge yourself as if you were going to bust a gut, but after
sampling everything only feel pleasantly full, and a little groggy. You stretch and excuse
yourself from the others.

fuck time!

party time!

bedtime.

You are taken into a padded dungeon, the fairy has the horse guy over one shoulder and
you over the other, crazy strong. you are uncerimoniously dumped on a huge frilly pink bed
while she chains the unfortunate 'mare' to a similar bed in purple velvet embriodered with
'prissy princess cries a lot' and 'flanny' in silver floss. she's back in a moment and has all
manner of fetish equipment, and addresses you casually.
'so baby. you know the safe word, but do you know the safest word?' she laughs and tosses
her hair. 'anything you don't like, let me know. I'm here to have fun and care for princess plot
device over there.' she jerks a thumb over her shoulder. 'and I'm bored, but I respect your
choices and won't puch you any farther than you want to go.
the bedressed horse is whimpering quietly, and the fairy goes to pat 'her' snout. There are
three huge toys close by you, a clefable, an inflated orca whale in green and blue, and
a humanoid amputee doll, he has a collar that says 'gimp boy.'

escape!

fuck the clefable doll

fuck the orca

fuck gimp boy

you roll onto the clefable doll and fuck the stuffing right out of it, getting off messily all
over the bed and generally making a mess. you get an odd sense that the doll is pretty
pleased, itself. you replace the doll next to the other toys on the bed and everything
magically cleans itself, leaving a faint scent of salt and sweat.

continue

you roll onto the squishy, friendly-looking orca inflateble and hump it to your heart's
content, getting sweat and jizz everywhere and making adorable squeaky noises on the
clean rubber. you to roll off it and replace it with the other toys and the bed and orca
magically clean themselves. you think you see a happy twinkle in the orca's painted eye.

continue

You pick up the gimp boy doll, and he magically takes on an attractive face and the set
of genetalia you prefer. whipsering in your ear, you share your secrets and fuck quietly
on a pile of soft toys and plush pillows. you both climax in silence. you are now relaxed
and happy. you feel a weight move off your chest and watch as the bed magically
makes itself up, and gimp boy's face and crotch go blank as you place him back where
he was to begin with amoung the other toys.

continue

The fairy is quietly pacifying the crying sissyhorse, you are on a comfy bed with
three huge toys close by you, a clefable, an inflated orca whale in green and blue,
and a humanoid amputee doll, he has a collar that says 'gimp boy.'

you gather one or more fantastic parters and get one or more of your favorite kinds of sex
for as long as is physically possible. you've long since passed out from exhaustion and your
parters and laying around, several of them are giving you a gentle massage. there is sweat
and tears and jizz of all manefestations on most horizonal and some vertical surfaces
in the giant, bedlike room you have all retreated to. You get a luxurious sponge bath and
have worked up a bit of an appetite.

feast!

party!

sleep!

You leave everyone and everything behind, starting a new chapter in your life.
you are crying a little, and alone now. but that's okay.

take the thorn path

take the candy path

Credits!

You! you are the star! it is you!
Thank you for checking the credits! bless your
heart! I want deeply to please your cock and/or
clitoris with a thousand golden hookers!

who the fuck made this piece of shit?
It was me, of course.

who did all the coding and shitty artwork?
Why, I did. You like it don't you?

who provided condierable moral support, both being cute and snuggly?
My tokay gecko did. he made a bunch of horrifying noises and tried to bite me. I love him
with my whole soul.

play the glitter flute

restart

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