swfchan: hospital_sayings.swf (info)

Text

ACTUAL WRITINGS
ON HOSPITAL CHARTS

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1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but
her husband states she was very hot in bed
last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her
left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better,
and on the third day it disappeared.

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4. The patient is tearful and crying
constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she
began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my
permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old
male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of
suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at
another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been
remarkably insignificant with only a 40
pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and
anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined,
X-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant, infrequent
headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal
size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated
for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still
under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to
light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that
he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover
function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel
resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.

25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on
the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by
Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the
abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the
hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children, but
no other abnormalities.

<FunnyDoodle.com>

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