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The P.I.-REDUX.swf

This is the info page for
Flash #33470

(Click the ID number above for more basic data on this flash file.)


Text
- "I could make it worth your while."

- "I could make it worth your while."

- "I could make it worth your while."

- "Do you really care about your job that much?"

- "Are you threatening me?"

- "Are you threatening me?"

- "Are you threatening me?"

- "Don't make me scream!"

- "Don't make me scream!"

- "Don't make me scream!"

- "Do you really care about your job that much?"

- "Do you really care about your job that much?"

That's all folks!!!!!!

THE END.

- "Move your ass, fatty!"

- "Move your ass, fatty!"

- "Move your ass, fatty!"

- "Is there any chance I could get by?"

- "Is there any chance I could get by?"

- "Is there any chance I could get by?"

- leave

- leave

- leave

James de la loza presents

DIRECTOR
JAMES DE LA LOZA

And, so we were like working really
hard on "The P.I.", right; and so when
we were like done, we'd like shot all
this like dynomite footage. And, so, like,
Micheal Eisner calls me up one day and
he's like, "James, Baby!" and I'm like,
"Mike! What's happenin'?"

And, so he's like, "James, like what are you
going to do with all this wonderful footage
man," and I'm like, "Dude, don't fret. I'm like
on it, man." I so like I was. And now, without
further ado, here's, like, the so-called "lost
footage". Bon a fuckin Petit, man.

You may have shot me
four times, but, this time!

That's what you think!

Oh, for the love of God!

I told you there was
something you should know
about me.

Meow, meow!
Please don't hurt me
Mr. Dog. I'm just a poor,
innocent pussy cat.

Wuff, wuff!
Do nut dizobey
me littal poozy..
..

Wait, Pierre! Do
you smell something?

Oh my goodness!

Mrs. Smith, will you
marry me? Will you be
my princess and let
me be your knight...

... in shining armor?

I Will.

By James De La Loza

It was looking like another long day at the office for me, John Felix: PI when
suddenly ...

Pardon Me, Sir. Are you open right
now?

We Certainly are. How may I help you?

I have something I need

I have something I need.

I have something I need..

I have something I need...

I have something I need...investigated.

I think my husband's been cheating on
me for the past few weeks. I was
wondering if you could find out and
snap a few juicy photos for me.

What makes you suspect that the man's
been cheating on you, mam?

Call it a hunch.

I don't have a lot of money, but
I'm sure I could pay you some other
way.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know other forms of
payment.

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a PRIVATE

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a PRIVATE DICK

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a PRIVATE DICK
such as yourself would
be...

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a PRIVATE DICK
such as yourself would
be... UP

This is great, I wasn't
sure if a PRIVATE DICK
such as yourself would
be... UP to the task.

Babe, You got yourself a deal.

She was tramp, but she was a strong negotiator.
After giving me run down on all the specs: addresses,
names, phone numbers, etc., she decided to pay a
little up front by letting me take her out for a little
drink.

Something wasn't right about this. I mean, here I was,
in a bar with my married client, drunk like a ruski, and
she's smiling like she knows something I don't.

What'ere you smiling at sweetheart?

Nothing, John sweety. Why? Am I
making you nervous Johnny?

What d'ya mean nervous? No
dame can make me nervous. I make
dames like you nervous. You know
why sweetheart? 'Cause I'm a wildman!

Is that so?

You're damn right it's so!

Now how the hell do I
do this?

What's the matter Johnny?

Nothing. I'm just
trying to

Nothing. I'm just
trying to remember
if I left my hat.

Well, here goes nothing.

Where the hell am I?

This broad was strange. She left me asleep
and snuck out like she was a sailor.

I didn't know where to start with this new job.
I hadn't had one in a few months and it would
take a day or two to remember my methods.
Damn, I wish I would just write them down.

The broad's got me smoking again. I thought
these things gave you cancer or something.
Oh well.

There was the ol' Smith address: 4532
Gustave St., where that strange dame
and her "cheating" husband dwelled. I
didn't much like her, but in times like
you can't be choosy.

Besides, she touched my wiener. I
shouldn't be so self- rightous then.

I sat in the big tree, watching, waiting for
Mr. Smith to go out. Mrs. Smith would often
look out the window at the tree as if she
knew where I was. She acted
as if she were performing
for me.

Finally, the guy went to work.

It was a standard tailing, something I had gotten good at. He didn't
seem to suspect. Finally, we arrived at the parking lot of a building
where Mr. Smith worked. I wouldn't have expected this at all. I figured
lawyer, agent, used car salesman; not this at all. It was just to ...

......Obvious.

Now I had to figure out how to get in.
There was a mean looking bouncer guarding the
back entrance who looked as though he couldn't
even fit through the doorway he was guarding.
I tried anyway.

NO!

I could beat you
up and have it
be worth my
while.

I'm going to hit
you if you don't
move right now.

Well, here I was at Mr. Smith's nudie bar.
All I had to do was try to find the back room
where he most likely was.

Here's your pictures. Now, where's
my money?

Money?

Don't play dumb with me.
I ain't got time for that.

Fine. Let me
get it.

The watch plus $11.

I'm afraid that's not enough.

Well, here I was, pawning
all I had of value with
me.

For this.

I didn't know where the
hell I was.

Once I got back home,
though, I was going to
shoot that broad in the face.

What the hell do you mean,
"It's not enough."

If you don't settle down...

Don't tell me to settle down!
I'm giving yau my authentic
swiss army watch and $11.

Fine. But, don't let me here
anything about you plugging
anyone with it in my town.

Mrs. Smith?

So, John, what brings you
here?

I don't know. After that last
encounter we had, I've just been
dying to see you.

I would have thought you'd be
OVER that.

No, not really.

Shit.

This sucks.

"Under the
Boardwalk...."

I sat at a local Starbucks and bought some coffee with
some money I'd ...

...earned.

It was a..

"Mocha-Latte-frappe-grande-venti" whatever.

Well, it helped.

I had my new coat too. Right then
though, I only had three things on
my mind:

Revenge.

And the girl working behind
the counter.

Booyah.

And then my friend was like " Hey,
it's a free country" and..

The dame was starting to annoy
me so I began to think about Mrs. Smith

I was severely confused about why she
wanted to kill me. I sure was going to kill her
though. The thought of it made my tummy
tickle.

And then the manager was like, "I think
it would be really swell if you, two ladies
extinguished your cigarettes while you're
in my resturaunt," and we were like "SURE,
like you can't make us or anything," but,
we did anyway cause you know.

So like, do you want to get
out of here or whatever?

What?

Can I ask you something?

Do you even own an apartment?

Yeah.

You no like?

NO.

Well too bad. Mua-ha-ha-ha!

You're such a geek.

I can still hear you. Could you
just get out of my apartment and
stop eating ALL MY FOOD!

And off, again, I was. This crazy
world had gotten the best of me
too many times. I wasn't going
to let it do it again. This Time.

Honey, I'm home!

Well that was cliche. I imagine it's
because you're a Private Investigator.

Shut up!
I've got to ask you
something before I
pull this trigger.

Yeah, well the answer's "No,
I didn't have any feelings for you.
You were an aweful lay too."

That wasn't my
question woman. I wanted
to know who shot me.

Oh. Pierre, my lover.

Huh?

It was confusing at
first, but then I realized
it and it was almost
funny.

Hi Pierre.

Dammit!!

So, What's you're story?

I was beginning to start to
dislike being a PI.

I went to the thrift store to steal
a needle and thread. ALL they had
were shoelaces, the flat kind.

They even took my jacket.
The bastards didn't miss a
crumb of dignity hiding in the
deepest corners of my SHATTERED
SOUL!! They left me naked in a trashcan
with half my intestines hanging out of
three, poorly placed bullet holes.

Finally got out of
that alley and went
looking for something
to wear.

The coat was okay, but the
hat....

It's just not the same.

2 weeks later

Well, this really
isn't going any-
where, is it?

Mr. Smith?

Hey! It's me John!
You're wife hired me to
take pictures of you
at work.

Okay, that's fair, but
hey, I got shot three
times in the stomach!

I got shot in my
face, twice.

Did she kick you
out or somethin'?

She told the police that
I'd killed you.

What a bitch.

Yup.

Hey, I was thinking
of trying to go over
there and lighting her
house on fire. Wanna
come with?

Yes!

PIERRE

By James de la Loza

"A 9mm and a three peice suit"
performed and written by
Catch 22

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