swfchan: Max Payne 2.swf (info)

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MAX PAYNE 2 - BY BURTON EARNY

THE FALLING
OVER OF
MAX PAYNE
PART 2

THE WIFE HAD WRITTEN THE SHOPPING LIST
ON THE WALL AGAIN. 'V' - SHE WANTED TO
BUY SOME INJECTABLE VIAGRA. I THOUGHT
THAT WAS ODD BECAUSE I NORMALLY
BOUGHT THE VIAGRA.

MY WIFE WAS REALLY MESSY: SHE
SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS WITH
CRAYON, AND SHE WORE MY SHIRTS
WHILE EATING SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE

I'D LIKE A PEPPERONI
PIZZA. UH, WITH EXTRA
CHEESE ON IT.

...

AND, UH, I'LL HAVE A STICK OF
GARLIC BREAD. AND A POT OF
THOSE POTATO THINGS TO DIP IN
THAT GARLICY SAUCE.

AND, UM... I MIGHT
HAVE CHICKEN WINGS...

HELLO?
HELLO?..

I NEEDED TO GET MY
LAUNDRY DONE, SO I TOOK
THE SQUAD CAR. I KNEW IT
WAS ILLEGAL, BUT I DECIDED
TO DRIVE AROUND WITH THE
SIREN GOING 'REE ROO REE
ROO', TO MAKE IT MORE FUN.

FOR SOME REASON THE
'LAUNDROMAT' HAD BEEN BUILT AT
THE TOP OF A REALLY HIGH
BUILDING, BUT I THOUGHT THE
LIGHTS WERE PRETTY, SO I DIDN'T
REALLY MIND.

TWINKLE, TWINKLE,
LITTLE STAR,
HOW I WONDER,
WHAT YOU ARE.

A GIANT PAYNE IN THE BRONX:
IF YOU'VE HAD ONE, YOU'LL
KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS.

IT HAD BEEN A FEW
YEARS SINCE GODZILLA
HAD VISITED
MANHATTEN. NOW
THERE WAS A NEW
TERROR

I REALISED THAT THESE THREE
PARTS WERE ALL THE SAME
PICTURE. THE TRUTH HIT ME
LIKE AN ANVIL: THE ARTIST
HAD GOTTEN SLOPPY.

THE OFFICE WHERE I WORKED WAS
REALLY JUST A CONVERTED BAR
AND IT WAS QUITE EMBARRASING.

EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT WAS LADIES
NIGHT. ALEX USED TO CALL HIMSELF
'MANDY' AND COME HERE FOR THE
FUN OF IT.

THE COMPUTERS AT WORK WERE NOT
VERY EFFICIENT. I COULD NEVER GET
THEM TO WORK RIGHT.

I OFTEN TRIED TO PHONE TECHNICAL
SUPPORT TO FIX THE PROBLEM.

OKAY ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
USING A COMPUTER AND NOT
A COFFEE CUP? BECAUSE THAT'S
THE MOST COMMON PROBLEM
WE GET. IS IT A COFFEE CUP?

TECHNICAL SUPPORT ALWAYS KNEW
HOW TO HELP. IT CLEARLY WASN'T
OWNED BY MICROSOFT.

OUTSIDE, A PLETHORA OF HEAVEN'S DIAMONDS
PRECIPITATED LIKE THE PROBLEMS THAT FELL DOWN ALL
AROUND ME. THE CITY WAS LIKE A CONGLOMERATE OF
FOUL, FLEEING THE IMPENDING SNOWY APOCALYPSE, AND
RETREATING TO A SWEET SANCTUARY OF RESIDENTIAL
BLOCKS.

ADDITIONAL RANDOM METAPHOR TO
MAKE ME SOUND COOL.

I PUZZLED AND PUZZLED 'TILL
MY PUZZLER WAS SORE, BUT
COULDN'T THINK OF
ANYTHING SMART TO
SAY.

IT HIT ME LIKE A TRAIN SPEEDING
THROUGH THE SUBWAY. MAYBE THAT'S
BECAUSE IT WAS A TRAIN SPEEDING
THROUGH THE SUBWAY.

SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT ABOUT THIS.

MY BERETTA STIRRED NERVOUSLY UNDER MY COAT.

PERHAPS I SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT A VIBRATING
BERETTA, IT WAS A REAL PAIN IN THE BRONX.

BUT IT WAS TOO LATE, THE MONEY BACK GUARANTEE ONLY LASTED 5 DAYS.

TO BE
CONTINUED..

BY BURTON EARNY.
MUSIC FROM MAX PAYNE.

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